Please join the National Woman’s Political Caucus of Fresno on Tuesday February 2nd at 5:30 PM at Toledo’s Mexican Restaurant
367 E. Shaw, Fresno (corner of Shaw and Fresno Streets) $18.00 for dinner, no charge if no dinner
Col. Patsy Thompson and Barbara Brass, will be speaking on their film-in production:
SURVIVING THE SILENCE: LOVE AND IMPOSSIBLE CHOICES
Col. Thompson is a highly decorated Air Force and Army National Guard veteran. She and her wife of 30 years, Barbara Brass, survived as a closeted couple in the military, including Col. Thompson's long-distance, phone-tapped tours at the Pentagon and in Panama. They bring to life the enduring impact of the anti-gay laws and attitudes and reveal how, shortly before her retirement, Col. Thompson presided over the board that dismissed Colonel Grethe Cammermeyer from the military for being a lesbian. (Col. Cammermeyer’s experience was told in her book Serving in Silence and made into a 1995 television movie executive-produced by Barbra Streisand and starring Glenn Close.) What was hidden from the public until last year is that Col. Thompson is also a lesbian. According to Col. Cammermeyer, Col. Thompson did all she could to get the best possible outcome from a horrible situation – better than if she had come out – and made the key difference in Col. Cammermeyer getting into Federal Court and being reinstated.
How many of us "gays" have wondered about the bisexuals in our lives? In this video from Buzzfeed, people identifying as gay sit down with people identifying as bisexual in order to better understand their unique position in the world...
Awkward and awful questions that gay couples always seem to get asked are perfectly nailed in one video from Buzzfeed.
A new poll has found that the majority of Americans are satisfied with the current acceptance of the gay community. A record high of 60% of the US say they are happy with the level of acceptance of gays and lesbians in the country. However, 16% of Americans want to see more acceptance – while a worrying 14% want less, according to a new Gallup poll.
I went into my files and reviewed several of my very earliest Word columns. That review left me with two contradictory impressions: how dramatically things have changed – and how little.
Here, for example, was a column from the year 2000. Just 16 years ago:
– – – – –
My youngest son recently attended the wedding of two co-workers. It was a lovely affair – formal, at an expensive Chicago hotel, conducted with meticulous attention to detail. One of those details was a program book, listing the numerous bridesmaids and groomsmen and each one’s relationship to the happy couple.
The program book had another entry, however, that merits recognition. On the back page was a message from the bride and groom, reciting how enthusiastic they were to enter into wedded life together, how sure they were that matrimony was the right choice for them. In fact, they said, there was only one hesitation, one fact that gave rise to a certain reluctance to marry: the fact that others were legally prevented from doing likewise.
It seemed unfair that the status of matrimony was available to them, a man and a woman, and not available to others merely because they were of the same gender. The message concluded with a request that those present, who had shared the happy day with this particular couple, work toward a time when everyone can enter into the institution of marriage and have their union recognized by society and the state.
I couldn’t help thinking about the implications of this simple, powerful statement.
Will a paragraph in support of gay marriage on a pamphlet distributed to friends and families change the world? No, of course not. But the simple, revolutionary act of a black student sitting down at a counter and ordering lunch was ineffectual individually, too. It was only when hundreds, then thousands of blacks were challenging the status quo that laws and attitudes began to change.
What would happen to the pervasive bigotry against gays and lesbians if hundreds, then thousands, of heterosexuals added similar paragraphs to their wedding programs? What if every church and synagogue that believes in human dignity added such language to their bulletins? What if businesses catering to families advertised for business by interpreting “family” in an inclusive and affirming way?
Words. You’re reading them now, you speak them all day long, and without them, the world would come to a screeching halt.
Words themselves are inert; mere symbols cobbled together so we can communicate the things in our shared experience that are intangible. So much of what we perceive cannot be expressed, but when we feel a connection with someone we search our cranial database to show what we’re feeling and hope they understand.
The power of words is one of the greatest gifts bestowed on mankind. We use words to express affection and hatred, to wound and to soothe, to teach and to preach. Words are alive and as Dumbledore said: “our most inexhaustible source of magic.”
As a writer, I depend on my words to paint a picture, to make a point or to convey the feelings of lust, heartbreak, triumph or pain. It astounds me what the combination of sounds and inflections that we write and speak can do to inspire emotion in others and ourselves.
Words are very important when conveying your true feelings and two of the most important feelings are the polar opposites, Love and Hate.
The word Love is particularly fascinating because we use it in its lesser form nearly every day: “I love that song!” “I love sushi!” “I love ‘How To Get Away With Murder!’” But when it comes time to use it in one of its most powerful forms – the expression of true romantic love – most people are terrified.
We fear saying we love someone for many different reasons; the most potent is the fear it won’t be reciprocated. Nothing hurts worse than saying you love someone and having them say something like: “yeah, you’re alright, I guess.”
Sure, Han Solo is a badass and can get away with saying “I know” to Princess Leia’s declaration of love, but in everyday life here in this galaxy, we want to hear someone say: “I love you, too.”
The fear of not getting the proper response can lead two people to wait and wait and wait for the other person to say it, and in the meantime, no one has said it, and no one knows the other’s true feelings.
Then there is the fear that what you have to say will be perceived as forced or corny or a well-rehearsed line. I consider myself lucky that with my creative mind I can come up with the occasional romantic sentence but even then people have perceived it as sappy. Do I really see fireworks when I kiss my boyfriend? Not literally, of course, but the mental imagery it conjures up helps me describe how he makes me feel.
Why do people worry that what they say will be considered poetic or sensitive or beautiful? Isn’t that what you want to hear from someone that loves you? It doesn’t have to be Yeats, for God’s sake, but merely saying: “when I have you in my arms I feel happier than I’ve ever felt before” is simple and sweet and quite frankly, pretty easy to say.
On the flipside, saying you hate something or someone is as easy as pie. How many times when you were a sullen, hormone-addled teenager did you tell your parents you hated them? You didn’t, really, but it sure felt like it – especially the time you were grounded for two weeks.
Marriage Equality USA and your Fresno Chapter are proud to announce a local, FREE celebration of 20 years of working together to accomplish our core mission of full marriage equality nationwide! We invite our current and former volunteers, donors, and allies who supported our work to join us as we celebrate our past, and as we close up shop.
Gay Fresno is proud to be part of this important work and help out at the event. Special thanks to The Painted Table.
WE’RE HERE! WE’RE QUEER! WE HAVE A NEW STUDENT BOOTH!
Please join the RAINBOW ALUMNI AND ALLIES CLUB as we present and dedicate a new booth to UNITED STUDENT PRIDE. The ceremony takes place on Wed. Jan. 20, 2016 at 5:30 PM in the Free Speech Area at Fresno State. A short program begins at 6:00 PM; to be followed by a no-host dinner and drinks at Fresno State's The Bucket Grill & Pub. Rain or shine.We hope to see you there. Bring a friend. And a camera. Donations always welcome. Parking passes are required at $3 each.
Here's the video, as promised. Mikey & I really want to take this opportunity to thank everyone who helped make this day so amazing! Frank the food was phenomenal! Frank, Ally, Julie & Melissa this couldn't have been a successful proposal without all your help!!! Christina, thanks for the drinks! They were very effective! ;) Cyn thanks for the music!Stefani, Stephani, Arjen, Jenny thanks for being the very best friends we could ever ask for and sticking by our sides, no matter what. Jason, Christy, Katiana, Aaron, David, Angie & David, Julie, Ally, Joey & Aimee thanks for all your support and being so kind, loving and accepting to me. It is such an amazing honor to think I will be called a Stallings, one day and we love you all :) Janet, Grandpa, Maureen, Papa Lynn, Yadira N Jaime, Cynthia, Nelo, Mel & Frank, thanks for being all that I could ever ask for! You are my roots and I would be lost without you! Also for, accepting and loving mikey. It really means the world to us. Mom & Dad, I love you so damn much, Im very proud of the journey you two have traveled down to be so accepting and open. It's been a thrill to watch. Lety Stallings, thank you so much for being everything and more. You are an extremely strong women and I already see you as a role model. Thank you for your blessing in your son's hand in marriage. I can not tell you what that means to me. I love you. Mikey Stallings, I love you. Im so excited that I get the privelage of spending a lifetime with you. :) Im so crazily, ecstatic to see what tomorrow brings and a million tomorrows after that :) You and me, baby. It's time to plan this wedding!!!!!Posted by Christopher Lynn on Monday, April 27, 2015
Different people have different “bucket lists” (things to see or do before one “kicks the bucket”).
Here is our Bucket List of places to visit in the United States for the LGBT traveler. These cities and towns are filled with Gay history in all forms, and several of them have a Gay history museum.
Fortunately, we have already been to all of these places, and we would highly recommend them to everyone.
This has for years been the epicenter for the Gay community. Many years ago it was THE place for all Gays to visit, and it still is. Although it has changed a lot, one must just see it in person to really get the feel of it. The Castro area has always been the place to be, filled with dozens of Gay bars and businesses. Years ago, it was the only place in the country where we could all be “ourselves” and enjoy everything. Luckily, in today’s world, we can usually be “ourselves” anywhere in the country. Still, we have visited San Francisco over a dozen times and never tire of it.
A great website is: www.sanfrancisco.travel/lgbt.
The Gay suburb of greater Los Angeles, the zip code 90069 only proves how Gay it is! Everywhere you turn, you see Gay, Gay and more GAY – from the Gay flags on businesses to men holding hands walking down the street while shopping.
For further information, go to: www.visitwesthollywood.com/special-interest/lgbt.
The place where Gay men and women retire and live. Once the home of Hollywood actors and actresses, it is now very Gay, and visitors always have a delightful time while they’re there.
An informative website is:www.visitgaypalmsprings.com/.
There are very few Gay Flags, and they don’t need any. Everyone gets along with everybody in this fabulously wonderful place.
Gays and Lesbians began going to Santa Fe years ago. The town has always been filled with authors, writers, poets, artists, sculptors, jewelry artisans and extremely interesting people.
We have been going there since 1982, and love it every time we return. It is just a completely different way of life there and very mesmerizing.
Find information at santafe.org/Visiting_Santa_Fe/GLBTQ_Travel/Gay_Lesbian_Events/.
Always Gay and still Gay, however, the cruise ships now dock there, so there is an influx of straight visitors all the time.
However, it is still a “must see” place for all Gays. There is a lot of Gay history there, and it is very exciting, historical and interesting.
Info online at www.fla-keys.com/keywest/gaykeywest.cfm.
Gays have been flocking to the beaches of Ft. Lauderdale for years and years. It has more than 150 Gay-owned hotels, bars, clubs, restaurants and businesses.
South Beach, on the east side of Miami, is filled with lots of hot men and the bars stay open all day and night.
Palm Beach, to the north of Ft. Lauderdale, is filled with some of the finest shops in the entire nation. Find it all at www.sunny.org/lgbt/.
If you have never been to New York City, go now!
Yes, it is expensive, but it is worth every bit of what you spend there. The shopping, restaurants, bars, Broadway shows, museums and galleries are things that you will remember forever.
Head out to the Hamptons and enjoy the good life.
Information online at www.nycgo.com/articles/gay-nyc
It is not like it was in the 1970s and ‘80s, but it is still a great place to visit. And yes, it is an island and you need to take a ferry over.
Get details online at fireisland.gaycities.com/
This was the place for all Gays to go to be themselves for years. Nearly the entire town was and is Gay.
P’town is a very small town. You do not need a car, so one can take the ferry from Boston to get there. However, it is a very scenic drive going around through Hyannis Port.
The website is ptown.org/
It is a very laid-back Gay resort town right on the ocean, and Gays have been going there for years.
What was once an artist colony turned into a Gay resort town years ago. There are plenty of Gay bed and breakfasts to stay in.
Find information at www.gayogunquit.com/
Before going to any of these resort towns and cities on this list, go to www.purpleroofs.com to find the perfect place for you to stay.
Always remember to have fun when traveling, meet new people and talk to everyone.
Article republished with permission from The Gay Word.
A new gym catering to gay men is attempting to move forward to open in Fresno, but some neighbors are concerned that the addition will be a “magnet for trouble.”
That may be partly due to the fact that the new gym’s owner, Craig Harmon, is also the owner of “the Bunker,” an adult men for men sex club.
That club is set to close shortly to make room for California's new high speed rail project. Leaving some locals concerned that the 24-hour gym will turn into Harmon’s new sex club.
The owner has assured Fresno residents that that will not be happening, instead describing the new spot as a “gym with gay orientation to cater to the gay community.”
Locals who are taking issue with the proposal say that it is not necessarily what will go on inside the gym that bothers them, but rather the side effects of having a 24-hour club open in their residential neighborhood.
Shelly Cummings, who lives right next door to the site of the proposed gym, is one of those people, saying:
“I am not speaking against people who want to do things like that. Everybody can do what they want, but for the neighborhood, it being in the middle of a neighborhood with the crime that is bad down here in Tower like it is now, I can’t see anything good coming out of it. I see people getting hurt.”
Local business owner Richie Shields agrees, saying, “The people that go there and having fun, not a problem, but it’s the byproduct of that — the people that are walking around — maybe prostitution, littering, drug use, things like that, I don’t want to see.”
The Fresno Planning Commission plans to meet to decide on the issue once the staff has more time to research the proposal. We will provide updates on when the planning commission and city council add this to their agenda for public comments when it becomes available.
“Oh my God, you are such a slut.”
Has someone ever said that to you? And what were you doing when they did? I’ve heard it plenty of times, and usually for no valid reason.
“Slut” is one of those words that are continuously overused, like “diva” or “extreme;” the actual definition gets lost in the perception.
So I guess the real question here is: What constitutes sluttiness? Is it how you act, or is it what people think of how you acted? And where do we draw the line between what is and isn’t slutty?
In the dictionary, a slut is defined as a slovenly or promiscuous woman. I hate to break it to you, but I know a lot of well-dressed, fantastic people who are pretty damn slutty, and not all of them are women.
I figure since the term is supposed to apply to women, then gay men can definitely be sluts, because I hear them call each other “girrrrrl” every five minutes. And since these test subjects are where most of my research lies, I guess that’s the realm we’ll stay in. But that doesn’t exclude the rest of you who are out there sleeping around. You know who you are.
It’s a slippery slide to slutdom, and it usually begins at the dawn of your sexuality. You realize what you want and what kind of general package it comes in, but when you venture out into the world, that’s when you discover that there are a lot of flavors out there. And just like at Baskin-Robbins, you can dip your spoon into them and taste every single one. And why not? You need to explore your options now that you own your bright and shiny new sex life.
When I was a young gay pup in the ancient dark times before the Internet, it was, quite honestly, a bit of a chore: No online profiles to let me know exactly what a guy was into without a little trial and error – okay, a lot of trial and error.
Sure, it was a mystery what lay beneath the white-hot smile or the surfer’s body, but there wasn’t that much difference between then and now, when you have to unravel the mystery of why the guy you met online has totally misrepresented himself. The difference back then was that he was already standing in front of you, so at least you knew what he really looked like.
So here you are, a teenager or a twenty-something, experimenting with your sexuality as you stumble and fumble in the dark towards adulthood. Now, is that considered slutty? I wouldn’t say so, but if the argument is about the constant quest for the one who’s right for you or the certain type that gets you off, where is the cutoff date?
Aren’t we all experimenting throughout our lives until we find that mythical one who will prevent us from chasing after every piece of ass that passes us by?
For many people, the definition of slutty is the number of people you’ve been with. Now, as I was saying a moment ago, how does that apply to all of us searching, searching, searching for love or something like it, trying to connect with someone tangled in our sheets or kissing us across the console? We believe in our hearts, or whatever facsimile that holds our base emotions, that there is someone out there for all of us.
Whether or not we admit it, even the most jaded soul has fleeting moments of wonder: Is this it? Is this the one? Sometimes our hearts trick us by allowing us to believe that the V-shaped lifeguard we just met who is giving us a raging hard-on is the person we were meant to meet. But that’s not always your heart talking, kids.
As a man, I can say that more often than not, my dick is doing the driving. Wait – that was a poor choice of words. What I mean is, that sometimes my dick trumps my brain when it comes to making decisions. But the more I think about it, it seems that maybe they are working hand-in-hand. The animal part of our psyche tells us to hunt, to pounce, to seal the deal with someone we are drawn to before they escape.
Maybe it’s because our brain might decide at the last minute to bolt for the underbrush and the prey will disappear along with the opportunity to connect with someone physically and maybe, just maybe, emotionally. And even though it seems like the signals are coming from behind your button fly, the truth of the matter is, it’s still the brain that’s giving the orders, just like the Wizard hiding behind the curtain.
Let’s look at another touchstone that is often considered slutty: having sex with someone on the first date. Is that slutty? Or is it the norm? Because quite honestly, I can’t decide.
Maybe it’s the timing – they say it’s everything, you know. There’s sex on the first date, and then there’s doing it in the alley behind the bar a half hour after your first introductions. So I guess this could also apply to the location for your behavior. Some people say making out in a club is slutty. Some people say getting a blowjob in the bathroom at a club is slutty. So which is it? All of it? There has to be a line somewhere, and it seems to me that it’s pretty amorphous.
I have a feeling that it depends on who you ask. The answer I get from Johnny Skandros is going to be different from the one I get from Mike Huckabee. At least, I think it would be different. Your actions might make you seem slutty, but what about how you dress? Or what you do?
I have logged quite a few hours on a stripper pole, so believe me when I tell you I know whether or not it’s slutty to be shaking your jock in people’s faces. The truth is, the answer is “yes” and “no.” Because, just like certain people who condemn certain actions as slutty, certain people can elevate what I considered to be just another job to a full-blown, sky-high slut-o-rama.
Perception is not always reality. After all, it’s just using what you’ve got to make a living. Some people use their brains or their talent, and some people use their face or their body. You get what you get, so you might as well make it work in your favor.
On an equally superficial level, it goes without saying that how you dress doesn’t necessarily make you a slut either. Have we learned nothing from “The Accused?” I mean, besides the fact that Jodie Foster doesn’t have a lick of rhythm? People can be equally attracted to skintight t-shirts or shirts and ties, so transforming clothes into a barometer of someone’s promiscuity is ridiculous.
There is also the stigma of being labeled as a slut when it’s merely a rumor. These rumors are usually spread for a few different reasons. More often than not this scarlet letter is applied by people who want to keep the masses away from someone they can’t have or someone they have lost, and they figure if they tell the world how skanky this person is, then no one will go near them.
Unfortunately, this can backfire. We are always curious about the people of ill repute, aren’t we? And sometimes it just draws more people to this person, because everybody loves a sure thing, whether or not it’s the truth.
So, how do we decide what makes someone a slut? Is it going that extra mile? What I mean by that is, maybe it’s not how many partners you have, but how many you’ve had at one time? And how many is too many? Maybe it’s not who you are sleeping with but the selectiveness in which you do it.
Maybe it’s not remembering who you slept with in the first place. With enough whiskey it is possible to not be too rational in your decision-making process, but when the alcohol wears off, it might be more than a hangover you wake up to.
Could it be where you are when your dick does the talking? Having sex in the bedroom of someone on your first date is different than having sex in the Nordstrom fitting room, right?
When I started writing this, I thought surely I would come to a decision on what is or isn’t the mark of someone who acts like the proverbial slut. Now I realize that just like beauty, it’s truly in the eye of the beholder.
One of my favorite quotes from that crazy queen Oscar Wilde says: “Wickedness is a myth invented by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others.” Now if that isn’t the truth, I don’t know what is.
Don’t we all secretly long to be wanton, unfettered beasts prowling in the night, searching for the narcotic contact of skin on skin? Sure, the dream is to have someone to come home to and someone to grow old with, but just like the animals we share this planet with, some of us are built to mate for life and some of us are not. Does that make you a slut? Or merely a wild animal?
And when and if you do meet that special someone, can you look past the people – no matter how many – that are in their past? And will they be able to return the favor?
I think that we should redefine what it means to be a slut, especially since no one seems to be able to decide on the rules. We all take different roads to get where we think we should be, whether that means you do the old school I-can’t-sleep-with-you-until-we’re-in-love route, or you sleep with every person you date until you find the right one, the journey is your own.
Every person that you encounter, sexually or otherwise, will teach you something about yourself, whether you realize it or not. As long as you are being safe, what’s the difference? It doesn’t mean someone that has a lot of sexual partners or engages in wild, erotic adventures with no remorse is a slut.
When it comes down to it, a slut is merely someone who is having more sex than you.
Article republished with permission from The Gay Word.
One of the most prominent stains on the reputation of the much-mythologized Reagan administration was its response, or lack of response, to the AIDS crisis as it began to ravage American cities in the early and mid-1980s. President Reagan famously (though, not famously enough) didn’t himself publicly mention AIDS until 1985, when more than 5,000 people, most of them gay men, had already been killed by the disease.
Join us on World AIDS Day, Tuesday, December 1st for the AIDS March & Rally in the Tower District. As we did last year, we'll start at the Fresno LGBT Community Center and march through the Tower District, in solidarity for World AIDS Day. We'll end up in front of the Tower Theater for a brief rally with local speakers and finally, a reading of names of those who we have lost to this terrible disease.
Meet up at the Fresno LGBT Community Center between 6 & 6:30PM on December 1st. The Center is located at 1067 N Fulton, in the Tower District, just down the street from the Tower Theater. The march will begin promptly at 6:30PM.
Candles will be provided to those in attendance. We will also be offering large AIDS ribbon replicas to be carried, as well red scarfs, while they last.
Once at the Tower Theater we will hear a few local speakers speak briefly, followed by the traditional reading of the names, recognizing those who have been lost.
I used to have an action figure – okay, it was a doll – of the Six-Million-Dollar Man.
What’s that? You say you don’t know who that is? Um, he’s kinda like a cyborg, I guess. Like the Terminator or a Cylon. Sort of. But a good guy. Anyway, he was a dude who had parts of his body replaced with robotics called ‘bionics” and he was a total player with his newscaster hairstyle, red tracksuit and matching sneakers.
He had fake skin on his arm that rolled up so you could remove his bionic parts and you could also look through the back of his head and see the world through his bionic eye. Sure, it made his face look strange, but it was super dope, especially to a nine-year-old kid.
Steve Austin had an arch enemy named Maskatron, who was an android with a removable face, much like the Fembots that plagued Steve’s bionic girlfriend, Jaime Sommers. (I’ll save her story for another day.) The opposing intricacy and simplicity of Maskatron would stick in my head into adulthood when I realized that maybe, just maybe, all the men I had been involved with were just like the evil Maskatron – different faces, but the same underneath.
Is that what happens in relationships? Do we get involved with the same people over and over again?
They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing repetitively and expecting different results. So why do we search out the same people and expect anything to be different? I’m not talking about how you prefer a man who looks like your track coach, or the blonde and bronzed boy-next-door, or even the rough, muscular kid that bullied you in high school. That is merely an imprinted sexual attraction that may or may not hold a veritable hornet’s nest of psychoses underneath. All of that falls under the physicality that you desire and the eternal mystery of sexual attraction. What I’m talking about is what lies beneath.
So, how do you know if you are one of the people who are constantly recycling the same person? Well, the first thing you need to do is look inward. If you want to know what’s missing in you or what you are lacking, or even what your inner struggles are, all you have to do is look at who you are involved with.
The facts about our childhood affecting our relationships ring true. For example, there are people who search for a strong, silent type that mimics the emotional distance of their father. Or, someone who has abandonment issues will constantly rediscover people who will eventually abandon them or they themselves will do the abandoning. But why?
The answer is that we recreate our biggest struggles so we can finally succeed in overcoming them. If you can just reach the heart of someone who’s emotionally detached, it will be as if your father finally showed how much he loved you. If you can get the wayward rebel to stay with you, then your feelings that everyone will leave you will finally be assuaged. The truth is, you can only solve the problems you hold inside by dealing with them on your own.
Then there are those that seek out people with problems of any sort because it makes them feel needed as they struggle to help the one with the issues. This leads to a feeling of importance and satisfaction as they try to “fix” the lost or damaged individual. Unfortunately, people who are riddled with the most baggage usually seek out this kind of person so they can take advantage of the hero complex that will inevitably be thrust upon them. We seek out someone who plays our games because it gives comfort and familiarity, but it ultimately leads to a dissatisfying end.
The solution to this Sisyphus-style torture is to recognize your own role in this unending cycle and change your behavior to create a new path. And to do this, you must first ask yourself a simple question about your relationship that you may have already heard from a friend or colleague: “How’s that workin’ out for ya?”
If the answer is, “It’s not,” it might be a good time to switch gears and cut your losses without the myriad of excuses that come with the acknowledgment that your romance is dead in the water.
A step that you could take even before this one is to listen to your intuition. People will always tell you who they truly are if you choose to listen with more than just your ears. For example, a man that gives you all the signs that he’s not into relationships is more than likely not into relationships. It ain’t rocket science, kids.
Sure, people change, but are you the one that always seems to tell yourself that you’ll be the one to change them? That is asking for trouble from the get-go. If you want new and unexpected results, you have to try something or someone new and unexpected.
There are two things you have to know to remove yourself from the cycle you’re trapped in. First, you have to know your type. If something is familiar in the beginning of the relationship, maybe you should steer clear altogether, or change your approach entirely towards this person.
This goes hand-in-hand with the second step. Know your anxieties. Are you shy and quiet? That usually means you search out the opposite, which may be someone outgoing and confident, but it may also mean that they will be controlling as well. All you have to do is overcome your anxiety or hang-up and you won’t draw the wrong person by what you avoid.
We all have comfort zones, but if you step outside of them and stick to the new you, your world will change dramatically. Sure, there is the fear that you will shut a relationship down in the beginning by taking charge and becoming the person you want to be. But if your new flame rejects you for wanting more, isn’t that the kind of relationship you want to leave behind?
Casting off the shackles of the past is never easy; we look for familiarity in people because it brings us comfort and makes us believe we can conquer what we did wrong with our relationships in the past. But the past is gone, and the world is waiting for you to start anew.
Forget that this new guy looks like the boy you had an ill-fated crush on in junior high. Forget that this ice-cold heartbreaker might finally thaw in your hands. Step outside the infinity loop you’ve been trapped in and find freedom.
You will end up feeling like a million bucks – or maybe six million of them.
Article republished with permission from The Gay Word.
Suddenly, in my morning fugue I hear a loud knock at the front door.
Several more loud knocks jolt me from my half-sleep to half-coffee-awake morning ritual in front of the desktop in the “Goose office.” This is 10 a.m., which makes no sense on a weekday morning with a working bell door.
I drag myself to the front door to be greeted by a policeman, with three police cars parked out front. Wow.
Goose, ever friendly, extended his hand to the office and asked, “How may I help you?” Okay, probably not the best idea to extend that hand, since the officer pulled away.
He announces, “There had been a report of a domestic argument at this address with breaking glass.”
I chuckled, after all, my front storm door is peppered with GLSEN, PFLAG, rainbow and equality stickers – and for an extra dose of queerness, a “Have A Gay Day” sticker. Goose quickly announced I was gay, vaguely flapping a wing in the direction of the storm door, and offering I “had no husband to get domestic with.”
The officer made a small, almost detectable grimace, but maintained his composure, and asked “to check inside.” I knew I should not have “technically” let him in – but I had nothing to hide, the house was clean. When was the last time a man was in my house? He came and went quickly, never got more than two feet inside the door and left. I waved goodbye to the other police waiting for him. It was over.
I’m sure it was a wrong address.
But, the incident got me to thinking – imagine if this same incident played out in 1969, the very year of the Stonewall riots? Isn’t there a movie out now called “Stonewall?”
This movie’s title immediately made me think “oh, another historic retelling of the facts of Stonewall.” Evoke the name Stonewall, and you’ve touched the third rail of queer sensibilities. Maybe I should have paid more attention, but all the reviewers seemed to loathe it. When dealing with reviewers, let alone the experts in our own communities, I have learned to be pretty suspicious of opinions until I take a look-see. Besides, taking a historic event and trying any retelling, while people and history are still easily able to be confirmed, is usually begging for trouble.
Trouble there was. Once I started watching it, I got it was not much of an attempt to be true to the past, but rather a tale told through a fictionalized Midwestern piece of boy trade who finds himself on Christopher Street after a Midwest blow job goes horribly wrong.
Now, I was never as pretty as this child. I am much too old to play that role today. Yet, let the record show my park blow job of a boy in high school also went horrible wrong and yes, everyone knew.
The online world collectively lost its mind this week over the fact that a little boy was starring in a Barbie commercial for the first time ever.
"SO fierce!" he says to the camera as he hands the doll her tiny designer purse.
James Pittman faced discrimination because he was gay—that, nobody denies. As an employee at Cook Paper Recycling Corp. in Missouri, Pittman was subject to vile homophobic harassment: Employees called him a “cocksucker,” asked whether he had AIDS, mocked him for being gay and having a boyfriend, and ridiculed him when they broke up. Then Cook Paper fired him.
Pittman sued, alleging he was subject to illegal workplace discrimination. The court promptly dismissed his suit, ruling that Pittman’s harassment was perfectly legal. Neither Missouri nor federal law explicitly bars discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation, the court reasoned, so Cook Paper’s employees were free to torment, mock, and fire Pittman for being gay. On Tuesday, the Western District Missouri Court of Appeals affirmed the lower court’s ruling.
The best use of three minutes... Sasheer Zamata explains just how problematic privilege is:
I have said this a time or three previously, but it bears repeating: The longer I work with computers and electronics, the more e-mail looks like the old “snail mail” stuff. In other words, the more it seems that e-mail I send out to people (or they send to me) “bounces” for this or that reason or the more it’s delayed “somewhere out there” or never goes or lands anywhere.
The sad part of all of the above is that we (that’s all of us) have this badly mistaken idea that if we use e-mail there is a 100% chance what we send will arrive …and arrive “immediately.” In truth, that’s not always the case and if we go through life believing in the impossibility of e-mail and e-commerce failure then we are going to eventually end up sad (not to mention broke if we are counting upon e-mail to pay a bill or send a job to the boss, etc.) and I got a bridge I wanna sell you, too!
The issue has been driven home with our recent move and sale of the company we owned, necessitating a new domain name and new e-mail addresses at our end. The setting up has been a nightmare and meanwhile those wanting to write us have often called frustrated when e-mails bounced back to them as undeliverable.
Add to that we have, for way too many years, used an e-mail programme called Microsoft Entourage to get our mail. To quote Wikipedia, “Microsoft Entourage was an e-mail client and personal information manager developed by Microsoft for Mac OS 8.5 and higher. Microsoft first released Entourage in October 2000 as part of the Microsoft Office 2001 office suite; Office 98, the previous version of Microsoft Office for Mac OS included Outlook Express 5. The last version was Entourage: Mac 2008, part of Microsoft Office 2008 for Mac, released on 15 January 2008. Entourage was replaced by Outlook for Macintosh in Microsoft Office for Mac 2011, released on 26th October 2010…”
In honor of National Coming Out Day (October 11) and #SpiritDay (October 15), this post examines how some highly-public moments for the LGBT community affected support for this movement and the rate at which people came out on Facebook. Examining aggregated, de-identified information about people in the U.S. on Facebook, we look at the total number of people who came out on each day. We define “coming out” as (1) updating one’s profile to express a same-gender attraction or (2) specifying a custom gender.
YOUR TRUE GENDER CONFERENCE 2015
Your True Gender is a nonprofit organization dedicated to providing the general public with an educational experience on Transgender awareness and issues. The Your True Gender Conference 2015’s mission is to educate and guide individuals of all ages on their transition journey (whatever that may be for each person) and to educate their significant others, parents, family members, friends and advocates.
Featured Guests: Janet Mock (Author) Isis King (Model) Jillian Weiss, J.D. & Ph.D. Marci Bowers, M.D. Joel Beck, M.D. Jamison Green, Ph.D.
Cal Poly SLO Campus: The Chumash Auditorium in the Julian A. McPhee University Union Building
Special Event: ABC Family ‘Becoming Us’ Reality Star CARLY LEHWALD Q&A Session Open to the Public
Sunday 1:30pm-2:30pm Chumash Hall